So here's my first blog of the new year! Congrats! I've made it another year! Which, in this world, really is an accomplishment. But on a more serious note... I'm bored! lol


I'm really not very bored, but just not able to do a lot of things here at work. Basically it's bc I forgot my thumb drive AGAIN! So I have this yellow legal pad of paper that is filled to the ends of it with stuff... dates for the Phi Sig calendar... notes to myself... etc. And I can't do anything with it bc I was stupid and left my thumb drive on my desk. Grr! lol


But so far, the new year has treated me kindly... my stomach, not so much... lol... but I'm starting to work on that Monday. Shoulda stuck with my original plans but eh, whatever. I'm excited about this semester though... should be interesting! With me and Kristina at the helm and all of our crew being the AWESOME girls they are... we should be great for our new ladies! :)

mood: energetic

Today was fun... went for my massage... and then got a pedicure and my nails did... lol... I love that! But I just realized that I haven't talked to Allie in a few days, and I'm pretty sure we had plans... damn my selfishness... grr!


But then me and my parents went out to eat at CB... I love that place... well gotta get off here, the dad is coming! AHH!

location: Scottsburg

Paula Abdul had it right... take one step forward and take two steps back... I feel like that right now. Sad thing is that I knew that this would happen, just not for certain about what the reasons would be. OH BOY! The reasons are some good ones, but mainly it's my dad's side of the family...


This Christmas was pretty good, not great, but it didn't suck too badly. Haven't heard from Chris, but then again, I had figured it would end like this. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me... dude, you've lost your chance with me... sorry 'bout your luck. But that's not even a small part of why I'm feeling down...


This afternoon, around 1:30, my family made it's way over to my paternal grandmother's house to do our thing... woohoo! Well, I knew it was gonna be bad, bc for some odd reason, I am thought of as the "black sheep" on this side of the family. I think this is bc of lots of reasons, none of them being bc I'm a bad person. Basically I'm the odd person out in this family. All my other cousins were raised around these people and I didn't come around until I was 10... and I had ADD so I didn't listen to anyone anyways... lol


So basically my whole existence to my grandma J has been kinda weird... as if I didn't exist to her until I came to live in Scottsburg. I hate going to family gatherings bc I know I will have no one to talk to, besides my mom, and will wander around outside, like I did today, just so that I don't end up wallowing in sadness at the stupidity of it all... I'm a good person, just a little misguided sometimes... why can't they see that?! and I can't talk to anyone about it in my family, bc I don't want to make anyone mad... I already do that enough in this family.


My cousin Jesy doesn't even let me babysit for her new little one, Nowlin... he's so cute! And I have to fight all of my relatives off to be able to hold him. I see him maybe once a month, now... up until Thanksgiving, I had never seen him.. :( I'm not feeling to happy right now, and I just wish something good would happen to me that is long-lasting... the upside to today was that my grandma J gave scratch-offs to us and I won $100... bad part about that is I think I'm going to get yelled at for making a big deal about it...


I need a break... something nice... doesn't have to be anything big, just something I can remember and look back on and smile... anyone got any memories I can conjure up? I could really use them... ;)


xoxo

location: Scottsburg mood: depressed

Okay, so I'm here at work and I'm bored out of my mind. Just saw one of the police officers go back to the Student O with a video camera... hmmm... interesting!


So I'm sitting here catching up on my tv shows that I've been missing out on...


*Bionic Woman

*Moonlight

*America's Next Top Model

*CSI... all of them...


I'm really looking forward to Charli getting here... can't wait to look at my present! YAY!!

location: Game Room mood: curious

lol... i love my parents house, but now i'm here bc i can't leave... grr! but i'm going to make the best of it, and dye my hair back black.. i tried to wait it out, but i like my hair black and i'm starting to get grays... HOLY CRAP! yeah, but it runs in the family... so i'm off...

location: Scottsburg mood: creative

Okay, so I have so much good stuff to write about that I don't even know where to start. Here I am at work thinking about all the good stuff! YAY!! It's about damn time! lol

Well, I guess I'll go backwards:


Today: So I wake up this morning and get online like usual, and then find out that I got a B on my final in Sociology! YAY!! And that she re-graded my paper and I got an A- now. YAY! Oh, that's not all... I had another interview, the final one, with my boss... and I now officially have a job with the University Advancement, working as the Administrative Assistant for the Vice Chancellor. That's HUGE!! I'm so excited! I may be able to afford car payments now! Eh, I'll get into that more later. lol... But no, I also got more hours for the game room up until the beginning of my new job. Bad thing is that they are 8 hour days... Boo! But it's money in my pocket, so I'm gonna stop complaining now... :)


Yesterday: Nothing! Absolutely nothing to do with school, that is. I called the YMCA though and got my application put through. I now have a Y membership that is only costing me a $19.50 joining fee and a monthly fee of $12.60. How awesome is that?! I went last night and felt great afterwards. Elle Woods was right when she said that exercise gives you endorphins. I think working out has become my new therapy. And it's a really cheap form of therapy at that... lol


Monday: Took my Sociology final... not so good, or so I thought. But I talked to Chris and he text me something so cute! I'm still worried, but the text he sent me put my mind at ease a little. I'm looking forward to our date on Sunday... YAY!! Oh, and I talked to our landlord... and guess what?! She's gonna let us out of our lease. This lady is AWESOME! Seriously, no consequenses... just asks that we give her a few weeks to get it rented out again. So we're set to leave our apartment by the 15th of January... I'm homeward bound again... kinda sad, but actually not so much. :)


Sunday: Now this was the day to end all days, to me at least... :) Today was elections for Phi Sig! And I was running for Vice Archon, or Vice President, and Panhel Secretary. And I got BOTH of them! YAY!! You have no idea how worried I was that I wouldn't get it. Whew! I'm so excited to see where I can help take this sorority... and I'm not sure my mom likes that I plan to be around for a while... lol... she'll get over it... :)



So that's the extent of my week, so far... who knows what will happen over the weekend... :) So here's to my last few hours at work, hoping that I'll get to leave early... lol


xoxo

location: Game Room mood: excited

Okay, so I am supposed to go out tonight with Tracy.. and instead, I am sitting at home watching "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila"... a show I would never normally watch. I'm just so down right now.. and I have a feeling that it's going to be a long process, but I am giving myself until the first of the year to wallow, so to speak. I'm just hoping that my friends will still be there when I come back to myself. That's what I am afraid of, in the long run.


I'm just in this big hole, and I just don't see any way out right now. I mean, I feel that moving back home is a big step, and hopefully with elections getting done and Christmas, OH don't get me started on Christmas! Holy crap, one of these days I will not put so much into Christmas. One of these days I will have someone to show my parents who loves me... I'm beginning to just hate most holidays, and I don't like that. Grrr! I'm thinking I may have to go to a therapist. Kinda freaks me out, bc the last time I did that, I was 16 and a lot worse than I am now, but I don't want to get to that point again, so I'm going to work on that... :(


Okay, so this is a very depressing entry... I'm sorry if you read this...


xoxo

mood: depressed

Okay, so it's final... I'm moving back in with my parents. I hate this... but it has to happen. I feel like I need to go back home so I can save my money, and hopefully get a car?! That's my main priority now. Saving my money so I can get a decent car, not new, and be able to pay for gas and stuff. I'm thinking it may just be possible to pay back my grandma atleast $500, and maybe even my parents, now that I don't have to pay rent. YAY!! Woohoo! That makes me so happy. And I should have like $800 left after I pay my other bills. This is the last semester for this though. I am no longer allowing myself to get all the loans that they give me. I will get enough loans to pay my tuition. That's it!


Oh boy... this is gonna be different. I don't know how weird this is gonna be not living on my own. I mean, I'm not going to have any curfews, or be responsible for cleaning, but if I were to want to bring someone over, that couldn't happen. I've already been told that... :( Not that there are any prospects right now... well, hehe.. never mind... I'm so confused, but I guess it'll all go the way that it's supposed to go. I'm just gonna have to trust that the things that happen are His will and that they are what's best for me... sounds kinda scary, but nothing else has worked... so I'm all for it! :)


Going to watch The Santa Clause 2... lol


xoxo

mood: complacent

Okay, so I was talking with Josh, a guy from Christian Student Fellowship, and he really helped me figure a lot of stuff out. Helped my mind get around the idea of what God and Jesus did for us, and all that. So I have been thinking that all this crap I've been dealing with is sign to me. Really, life hasn't been so bad since I started thinking about really having God in my life.


Not trying to be all "Godly" or anything... hopefully I won't change too much because of this. I feel like I am a somewhat good person. I have my bad parts, which I will try to work on, but I need to trust that Jesus will be there for me and that no matter what I do, not that I'm going to murder anyone or anything, Jesus gave his life for my sins. So I'm wondering what's going to happen next.


Subject change, kinda... lol... I'm still kinda sick... but feeling better somewhat. Chris B. is driving me nuts, kinda... but it's kinda a good nuts. I'm wondering what his intentions are though. He asks me to come stay the night with him, and no matter what, I am NOT that kind of girl... no matter what he says about not being a booty call... I just don't know. I like him, he's a nice guy, I'm just confused about his motives. I guess if he asks me out again, I will figure out eventually. I'm just afraid of getting hurt again. I want a real relationship, and if I can't get it from Chris, then I'm not going to waste my time... harsh, but it's my life...


xoxo

location: Game Room mood: curious